Thursday, 24 November 2011

Dating in Winnipeg: The only thing worse than Winnipeg winter.



barf

With no special guy to warm you up coming in from the minus 40 degree weather outside, and no one to stay in with you on a Friday night because the windchill is so unbearable: the only thing worse than Winnipeg winter, is being cold AND single AND living in Winnipeg.


The last chapter of the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," tells the age old tale of women who date guys who are jerks because it's hard for women to find men, and because it sucks to be single.

The female co-author says what most of women are afraid of: there are "statistics" that there aren't nearly as many good men in this world as there are women, lots of women settle.

I personally think Winnipeg could be a case study for that "statistic". If you have read my older blog post about how Winnipeg is known for its good looking women, you will find actual statistics about how there are more women than men in this city. And despite many of them being very good looking women, some often settle for jerks who aren't half as good as they are.

As living, breathing proof, and the daughter of living, breathing proof, for a number of years; being single in this city is hard.

Here are my case studies:

Just like how most stories start, I have a friend who dated a guy.

The guy was nothing special; short, athletic, decent job, outgoing but drank too much. You know? The basic criteria that the female species looks for in a male counterpart.

 He would hang out with her whenever she wanted, but there was no commitment. How could you blame the guy? He was young, fun and decent looking, AND he had girls blowin' up his phone all the time.

So why would he commit to this beautiful, smart, young, successful girl, when he could have other girls, whenever he wanted, despite being only fairly average? Because he is a big fish in a small pond, and that pond is Winnipeg.

Snowey Love, Hurrah!
I have a couple friends who are young, super cool, smart and really pretty. They turn to Plenty of Fish dating site, for lack of meeting new men the old fashioned way; through friends, at hot dog stands, and at socials.

Plenty of Fish, according to popular rumours, is used by scuzzy men to find women, sleep with them and then never call them again. I'm sure not all men are taking advantage of this site, and I do know of a few success stories.

However, if these amazingly fun, cool, young women can't find success through a site, what chance do they  have at finding Mr. Right the non-electronic way?

I am far from being bitter, but after years of listening to my friends and family try everything from dating sites to night clubs to school libraries, I can see how frustrating it is to be single in this very cold, very small city.

Love can be found even when you can't feel your fingers, it just might take a bit more searching. And mittens.



SIDE NOTE: Because of the many comments, please understand that I was not blogging to give a dating lesson, nor do I need any dating lessons. Just simply generalizing the sentiment felt by some single women.


33 comments:

  1. I disagree with most of this. There are nice guys in this city but girls like assholes cause. This isn't new but yet they always seem shock when they act like assholes and then complain about it

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  2. Fair enough. I'm more speaking about the nice guys that are hiding under rocks or in the backs of bars that me and my friends never go to. Comeout comeout where ever you are!

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  3. I'll point out that most "nice guys" aren't hiding under rocks, or the back of bars you ladies don't go to. They are out in the open, but more often then not are just overlooked by the woman who choose to chase after the "assholes".

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  4. Both the claim that nice guys are everywhere and that girls only go for jerks are statements as old as time. Dating sucks, and it sucks even more in a small city with minus 40 degree weather.

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  5. **My statement about how women settle for jerks is also a tale as old as time.

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  6. I agree with Josie, all of this is true of Winnipeg, and it made me smile. Especially true about the fact that guys here only get good girls because they are a big fish in a small pond.

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  7. The 'big fish small pond' notion is probably not true because most girls have no clue what should be considered a 'big fish.' How successful, or athletic, or even how funny a man is, has nothing to do with what his heart is like.

    We can all fall victim to pulling in superficial things, or being under the pressure of our fear of being alone. However regardless of what is happening in pond, FISHING TAKES PATIENCE.

    Girls, calm down, bundle up, and don't settle.

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  8. It takes patience but you yourself said there are many, many beautiful women in this city. Some are bound to settle for bottom feeders. Fishing analogies are so funny btw

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  9. I never read 'He's just not that into you' but I watched the movie and hated (most of) it.

    The general message I got from it is that if a guy doesn't call you after 3 days, then he's not interested.

    Movie and books aside -

    I think the way people (in general) see relationships now is really superficial.

    Partly because of social media and the inherit ADHD people develop from needing information at a fast pace; and also because of fashion/pornography/celebrities.

    Both men and women feel 'they can do better' or 'i like this person, but' - instead of taking the time to find a person's amazing qualities.

    I'm not talking about settling - (i.e: mentally/physically abusive, unhappy, relationships where your partner is not focused on you.) - what I'm saying is that people will like a person, KNOW that they like a person, but then not commit to a relationship because they've been shown throw the media that there's something better out there...


    rant rant rant. /rant.

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  10. Being a guy that's average looking, kind of short, only making decent money, and is in business IT, dating is skewed against me. It's like playing a game of chess where you can't see the pieces, board, or your opponent. If I was tall or good looking, I'd at least get attention.

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  11. "Winnipeg is known for its good looking women..."

    "The guy was nothing special; short, athletic, decent job, outgoing but drank too much...The basic criteria that the female species looks for in a male counterpart."

    Call me crazy, but I take personality into consideration when talking about relationships and men. I'm sure you meant to include anything about that in this post, but you just forgot.

    “…statistics that there aren't nearly as many good men in this world as there are women, so most of us settle.”

    Not only is this not a statistic, but when you say something that ignorant it nullifies the sentence “so don't think that I am man-hating, or that I think there are no nice guys in Winnipeg”.

    You have some really intelligent posts on this blog. This isn’t one of them.

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  12. Josie, a few thoughts: Why do women complain that there are no good men in this town but go after assholes all the time? I see it time and time again, a nice guy is interested in a girl, he tries to pursue, she goes after the asshole and ignores the nice guy.
    Although I am sure some people will disagree with me (as I know you have from time to time), I'm confident, not unattractive, and have a decent job, but first and foremost, I am a nice guy, who treats women with respect and doesn't fuck around. Yet, I've been single my entire adult life, watching the above scenario play out over and over again. You blame these asshole dudes for taking advantage of girls, but it's as much the girls' fault for wanting those guys anyways. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's all a crap shoot and just keep trying because there are good people out there, hiding in plain sight who are just waiting spend their time with people as wonderful as you and yours. Keep fishing.

    -Matt Liang

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  13. I have typically found this to be true....girls want the guys who they are attracted to to be nice. There is no dearth of nice, interesting, smart, successful men in winnipeg. But chances are that they got to be that way through not being alpha males throughout their lives and good old fashioned hard work. And chances are that they are neither trolling downtown bars trying to sleep with girls a decade younger than them, nor are they trying to do the age old ****'n'chuck on sites like plentyoffish. Chances are too, that they are guys with steady, decent 9-5 jobs that preclude them from drinking like fishes and making displays of how big their testicles and wallets are in public, interests that include reading books, foreign movies, and travelling.
    Women don't see these men. These qualities are hardly attractive when you are a 20 something with a protracted high school mentality that makes you delightfully giddy over how big mr. jockitch's muscles are. And when you have been used, when you have made a hundred mistakes with men that your heart of hearts told you were not right for you, but impulsivity and solitude convinced you otherwise; when you have finally grown up, you find us, and we find you.

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  14. "Boo hoo hoo"

    Josie this is the first time ive read you blog. I am sorry to report that your outlook on dating is way out of whack.

    #1 the more you feel like you NEED to have a boyfriend, the more unattractive you come across. Which won't be a serious problem at the current state of early 20's hottest, however if this attitude isnt adjusted the problem will be 10x compounded in a state of late 30's saggy tits.

    #2 It is no great mystery why some girls like to be treated badly by their boyfriends. Women are the weaker sex and thus want to feel (in some ways) dominated by their male partner. However stupid girls often confuse being a jerk for being confident. What makes a man a "real man"? It isnt being an immature dip-shit, ill tell you that much. So when a guy is repeatedly behaving childish, don't enable/reward him by getting into fights and giving him the attention he wants. Just dump his ass flat, don't say anything, other than maybe "you're a little bitch"

    #3 Practical advice: I dont know why i see you hot babes with unhot dudes, but it seems to me that you babes are way more willing to overlook physical attractiveness than I am. So try this and see what happens: Go to the science library, go up to some nerdish looking guy and strike up a convo. Ask for his phone number and go on a date with him. Odds are you are going out with a physically able, intelligent person, who's only problem is that he lacks a little self confidence because you chicks are always passing him up for the boyfriends you are always complaining about.

    In conclusion, Winnipeg is no different than any other city in terms of the dating scene. Also women are %100 to blame if they are either unhappy about being single or unhappy about their boyfriends. Both problems can be solved in one afternoon.

    P.S - no fat chicks

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  16. "Winnipeg is known for its good looking women"

    Since when, and by who?

    Secondly, are you really all that surprised that the 'nice guys' aren't out at the clubs, or trying to pick up girls online? As a reader commented, why not go look for them in places where more intelligent people hang out, such as a library or a theatre?
    I think the problem you and your amazingly good looking and interesting friends have is that you might be a tad conceited. The dating world doesn't suck, it only does if you feel like good things should just land in your lap because you're pretty.

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  17. Thanks for all the feed back. I don't need dating advice, and for all you know I could have a boyfriend, so lay that idea to rest. Just sayin that dating is hard and people are jerks. Case and point a few of comment on my blog. Glad you all had something to say on the relationship section of my blog and not the political potion. Peace.

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  18. All the nice guys are stuck in the friend zone.

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  19. just in case you thought i was trying to give you dating advise, i deleted the comments i made on the issues you raised in this post. don't worry, i won't make the mistake again. see you at school!

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  20. Oh I didn't mean you Jamie, I meant all the other hAaaaaaterrrss lol put those comments back!! :)

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  21. I soo agree women can find themselves settling in this city...bin derr done that!!

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  22. haha, I just have to say that those illustrations are the cutest! What a fun way to accompany the point :D

    Aya ♥ Strawberry Koi

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  23. I like graham's comments best. Finding the right mate is about being in the same place emotionally, intellectually, yes and physically.....
    As for the fishing analogy...sometimes you catch a catfish sometimes a pike sometimes a walleye...it's up to you to know yourself enough to know which to keep and which to throw back in the lake........ya and sometimes there is no catching for a long long time......that's when you hang around with your chicken friends.......

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  24. It's actually Maman marier....

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  26. wow... this comment section got intense since I last read!
    I totally agree with you Josie, dating is hard, it sucks, and it seems like there are never enough good guys in Winnipeg to go around all the good women!

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  27. Kudos Josie. Can't say I would have been quite as friendly handling this chat.

    By the way, I thought you were right on. Small, cold, and lonely...that's just how it is in the 'Peg sometimes.

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  29. I'd love to meet these goodlooking, sincere, honest, and faithfull winnipeg women, because I've been trying to find them for over 4 years but all I seem to encounter are obese, emotionaly abusive gold diggers.

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  30. In my experience, women treat guys exactly the way they complain about being treated.

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  31. There is always two sides to each story. I'm single and I'm happy, most of the time. If I see a woman that is pretty in my eyes, I will go up and introduce myself. If she doesn't like me then that's ok. There are thousands of females here. Sometimes I get bouts on loneliness and wish I had a girlfriend to hug and talk to.

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